The past

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The mistakes of the past have a way of resurfacing in the present and in the future. The following mistakes of the past can cause marital delay...
Pregnancy before marriage- l have observed that singles who have had a child out of wedlock, do not easily find someone who will accept them and the child. No matter how hard the person interested in them may try to accept the child, there is always the reality that the child is not their own. Thus, many dread the responsibility of taking care of children that are not biologically theirs.

Promiscuous life style- When a single (lady) has lived a promiscuous life style in the past, it may cause a delay in her settling down especially if she is still living in the vicinity of where she has been known for that kind of life style. People more often than not identify with our past than with what we are at the present. We all know that the news of wrongdoing usually spread like wild fire.

Effects
Likelihood of infection-The likelihood of having been infected with sexually transmitted diseases (STD) is very high amongst those who had lived a promiscuous life style in the past and present. Some one has said, “All satan’s apples have worms.”

The past re-surfacing in the future- Most singles that had lived a promiscuous life style in the past often hide this part of their lives from their prospective partners. Jesus warned that, “There is nothing hidden under the heavens.” Whatever, we have done will always come out in the open in the end, and some marriages have been destroyed because of this. Their spouse suddenly comes across with some of the information on how his/her partner lived their lives in the past, and they feel deceived because they did not hear it from them or even know about it at all.

The child is negatively affected- Children born out of wedlock, usually feel out of place. Acceptance becomes a major challenge they have because both parents (the father and mother) usually have new families of their own and as such the child does not feel he/she belongs anywhere as he/she is usually not accepted by any of his/her step parents.

This challenge becomes more difficult if the child is a male and the first born; he according to tradition is the heir apparent to what his father owns.

The way out

Go to God for forgiveness- Accept the Lord Jesus as the Lord of your life and ask for forgiveness of the sins you have committed in the past; if you do this, your sins will be forgiven you. No matter how grievous the sins you have committed in the past may be, God will forgive you of them all. There is no sin too great that the blood of Jesus that was shed cannot cleanse.

Allow God to transform you- Many singles after accepting the Lord Jesus as the Lord of their lives do not wait patiently to allow Him transform their lives into what He wants it to be. The will of God is that who you will be after He has finished His work in you will be completely different from whom everyone once knew you to be.

It will take time, but you need to learn to be patient. Remember that you have done much havoc to yourself in the past, and like a wound that needs time to heal, you need time to be someone that people will want to talk positively about and emulate.

Go for medical checkup- Do necessary medical checkups; HIV test, etc. The earlier you know your HIV status the better. If you are positive, go for counseling and join God fearing groups that have the infection. Do not commit suicide, though presently there is no known cure for AIDS, this does not mean that a cure will not be found. Do not forget that God has healed people from the disease, and you too can be healed.

Let your child have a healthy growth process- Do not feed the child with stories on how his father rejected the pregnancy, or how irresponsible he is. He does not need that; it is detrimental to the child’s growth. Spare him your bitterness and anger.

Stop comparing him to his father or mother, because they look alike does not make them the same. Let the child live, by loving, caring, and praying for him.

Your new found love may not see your child as his own, you have to learn to be patient with them- your partner and child, so that you do not loose both of them.

Tell your fiancé or fiancée about your past- Let your intend know about your past, and who you are now in Christ Jesus. Do not hide what he/she needs to know; it is better that you tell him/her rather than have another person tell them. People have a way of telling stories beyond what actually happened.

My advice is that you allow time for the person to get to know you before discussing about your past with him/her, but it must be done before marriage.

Your past cannot be changed, but you can change your tomorrow by your actions today.
Mc Nally

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